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Reviews For Moving on or not?

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Reviewer: Lorneslady (Signed)
26 Sep 2010 8:35 am
Loved this story. Evan and John are very realistic with each other.

Author's Response: Wow...thank you very much. I hadn't looked at this story in some time. I appreciate your reading it.
Moving on or not?
Reviewer: DonM (Anonymous)
24 Jan 2009 9:53 pm
Excellent story, I love the way you represent the characters. I actually could feel their love and dedication.

Author's Response: The story "The Next Day and Then Some" is the continuation of this story. If you like this story, you'll probably like the next one as well.rnrnThank you so much for your compliment. These always make me smile!
Moving on or not?
Reviewer: Laura_trekkie (Signed)
03 Oct 2007 12:19 pm
I loved the depth of feeling John and Evan had for each other, what they were willing to give up to stay together. Here's hoping Elizabeth, Jack and Landry's plan gets approved by the President and the guys get to go home.

I have a little bit of con crit for your consideration: You may want to change your sentence structures a little as I found them all a bit short and it stilted the flow somewhat. It's an easy thing to do, I've done it myself. As an example, you typed:

>Evan headed out of the front door. John got the steaks on the grill. He'd put in a few CD's his sister had left. He wanted to pick up some new music while they were here. He skipped through the first one pretty quick. But the second one was showing promise.<

To make it flow more, you could say:

>As Evan headed out the front door, John put the steaks on the grill. He'd put in some of the CDs his sister had left, but wanted to pick up some new music while they were here. He skipped through the first one pretty quick, but the second one was showing promise.<

It cuts the sentence number in half and links things together a little more. As I said, just something to consider.

Laura.

Author's Response: "Evan headed out of the front door. John got the steaks on the grill. He'd put in a few CD's his sister had left. He wanted to pick up some new music while they were here. He skipped through the first one pretty quick. But the second one was showing promise."rnrnI actually do this on purpose. It does interrupt the flow a bit. However, it punctuates the difference in the tasks. I realize that when reading it for the first time it feels choppy. However if when you read it think of someone who you know of who communicates directly. They put emphasis on each sentence because each sentence states a specific piece of information they feel is essential. :-) rnrnThough I do agree that your sentence structure lends to flow. I sometimes intentionally break that up just to see if I can pull it off grammatically or to emphasize something.
Moving on or not?
Reviewer: KariHermione (Signed)
26 Sep 2007 8:55 am
really cute! wonderful start!

Author's Response: thanks so much!
Moving on or not?
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