God that was hot! I particularly liked the whole CO fantasy of John's and the bit at the end, where Cam finally realised what was between them all.
From a technical pov, though, I have to say that I found that first paragraph too long- it was really difficult to read without any breaks anywhere. The rest of the fic wasn't like that, so maybe it was just a formatting error? i also found the short sentences a little difficult as it often stopped the story from flowing, to my mind, but the hot guys were enough to keep me reading :).
Author's Response: I realize that the beginning is hard to follow. To be honest, I never really intended to post this. It was purely venting the sexual side of what Lorne Lost turned out to be in the end. As for the grammatical errors, I do understand they're there. However, like I said, it wasn't intended for anyone to read initially. There were a few people who seemed to want to see, so I went a head and put this up. And yes, it was VERY hot which makes grammar very difficult to keep in mind. :-P
Reviews For Extracirricular Fun
That was quite hot, but i do have to say wall of text. It would be good to go back and fix your paragraphs
Reviewer: Anonymous (Anonymous)
22 Dec 2007 8:52 pm
Och, that's hot! More please!!
^.^ I love this pairing.