Reviews For For Unto You

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Reviewer: purrfus (Signed)
14 Jan 2008 8:19 pm
Okay - its fan fic so almost anything can and does often go. But - it is supposed to follow basic TV logic when possible.

Teyla and Ronon are part of John's team. Why would Weir tell John to go investigate and not simply assume he would be taking his entire team? Team mindset - safty in numbers and its important to have the people you know and trust covering your six.

If there is a reason Weir might assume Teyla and or Ronon couldn't or shouldn't go its not clear in the story and should be explained. Otherwise the words are wasted and merely detract from the overall story.

Author's Response: Thank you!! I didn't even think about that, good catch, thank you very much.
Chapter 4
Reviewer: purrfus (Signed)
14 Jan 2008 8:06 pm
You might want to check your spell / grammar checker. some of the words are real just not right for the context and some of the sentence structure is awkward. For example the last sentence of this chapter. Try reading the chapters out loud - can you picture the particular character saying the story lines? The grammar checker may like a particular version of a sentence better, but if it doesn't sound like the character it can really make a mess.
Chapter 2
Reviewer: purrfus (Signed)
14 Jan 2008 7:57 pm
Slow build up and then Bam! Made it extra intense.
Chapter 1