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Reviewer: 1059939 (Signed)
26 May 2011 4:37 am
John spoke of being with Evan the first time since the rape but you have John & Clayton having sex in the wagon that you didn't decribe as rape & that was his last sexual encounter before going back to Atlantis so I'm a little confused there.
Chapter 16 - Home at Last
Reviewer: 1059939 (Signed)
26 May 2011 4:08 am
Ok when John was retelling his story you had him explain the gang rape first when in the previous chapters the business partner was the first to hurt John.
Chapter 14 - The Telling of Tales
Reviewer: 1059939 (Signed)
26 May 2011 2:54 am
You have the old woman die in the last chapter but she is alive in this one. Which is it?
Chapter 10 - Harvesters
Reviewer: DennSedai (Signed)
28 Aug 2010 4:11 pm
The only complaint that I have over all, and it's not a complaint as such, more an observation, is in the final part of the story with John 'healing' so fast emotionally. *shrugs* Dealing with abuse/rape issues is rarely that simple and easy. But over all, I do have to say that I loved the fic.

Author's Response: Fair point. I'm thinking of reworking the story a bit and will try to work that in as well to make his healing on a more realistic time scale. Thanks for your comments. Most appreciated.
Chapter 16 - Home at Last
Reviewer: stardust24 (Anonymous)
17 Apr 2010 3:58 pm
I liked this, even if the characters seemed kind of ooc. The problem I had was that you didn't resolve Rodney and John. They're best friends, you have to fix them.

Author's Response: Good point. I set that up and then never did anything with their interchange after John returned to the city. I'll have to see what I can do to resolve that ommission. Thanks.
Chapter 16 - Home at Last
Reviewer: hgbubble (Signed)
03 Mar 2010 6:53 am
Wow, this was a big story which affected me greatly.

The plot was original and interesting. I found the writing economical and well paced, and consequently, it kept me engaged.

A couple of thoughts:
Sheppard gets completely broken and humiliated. He's our hero and I found this hard going. Even though you rehabilitate him at the end, I found myself having nightmares about this story for quite a while. In many respects it speaks to the power of the story; but also perhaps takes us too far from the essential essence of the character.

This is my first review, so I hope you'll take my comments as positive feedback.

Thanks for the story.

Author's Response: Thank you for taking the time to read my story and provide feedback. I very much appreciate all of your comments. This was one of my first attempts at writing, as you can probably tell. I know that the story is not perfect, so I welcome all input and I appreciate you taking the time to share your thoughts with me. I wrestled with the very problem you described: Sheppard is our hero and we don't think of him broken and humiliated. I'm not sure if this is right or not, but I decided that he would have the strength of character to go through such an ordeal and come out on the other side. I could never write something that left him broken and in despair permanently because, as you say, it would take us too far from the essential essence of the character (well put, by the way!). Since this story was published I've been thinking of revising it to make it better, but I've been unable to decide what course to follow. In the end, though, I am simply delighted that someone read what I had written. Your review is tremendously helpful - thank you!
Chapter 1 - Capture
Reviewer: Amanda (Anonymous)
08 Jan 2010 1:15 am
I am merely happy there was no busting of bubbles. Sometimes constructive crit makes me feel like a bully. I would offer to beta but I don't know how to exchange info without? registering (I have many ideas and like to write with friends).
And yeah my first guess was that it was a first draft. I understand the enthusiasm - I did an old paris/torres st-voy new years story one time in less than 3 hours!
note on sheppard - I think in your story that Sheppard would 'break' after the initial beating, he wouldn't jeopardize his chance of escape by getting himself injured fruitlessly to simply rebel for rebellion sake (he has nothing to gain). I do think he also suffers in silence - you may hurt him but he's not going to show it (as in no tears or screaming). But that's just my take on him.

Author's Response: Perfectly reasonable comments. I agree with your notes about Sheppard and his response. Without a doubt I need to do some major refining. Thanks for tolerating the enthusiasm of a new person who still has a lot to learn!
Chapter 1 - Capture
Reviewer: Amanda (Anonymous)
07 Jan 2010 9:12 pm
I liked this story. Canon wise due to the pg-13 limit they had - some of the kidnapping and torture wasn't exactly realistic. I could see something like this happening.
Constructive crit - I think Sheppard was a little too emotional compared to the show. Also the writing was a little rough (almost disjointed), basic.
Again it's a solid read. I do think it would read better polished.

Author's Response: Many thanks for your comments. I'm new at writing fan fiction (or any other fiction for that matter) so I welcome and appreciate all help I can get. I agree with you that big parts of the story weren't exactly realistic. Looking through what I wrote, I agree that Sheppard turned out to be a much more emotional than depicted in the show. I realize the writing wasn't perfect and I'm hoping that with some more practice I'll get better. It was such a thrill to have an idea and to actually write something that I just went with my first draft. I appreciate your assessment that it's a solid read. I will review the story and will work on revising the story so that it smooths out some of the (many) rough edges to make a more polished read. I also look forward to connecting with other fans who might be willing to review drafts prior to uploading. Thanks again. I appreciate you taking the time to read my writing and to giving me some feedback.
Chapter 1 - Capture