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Reviews For The Pack

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Reviewer: Samus (Signed)
06 May 2007 4:58 pm
Okay, I had hoped at first it was just a typo, but what's with the butchered misspelling of Teal'c's name?

Author's Response: Its the same as I butchered Ronon's name in the first (I think) three chapters :) Thats the unfortunate thing of having an unbetaed story
Chapter Nine
Reviewer: Samus (Signed)
06 May 2007 4:44 pm
Heehee...Radek, too. Oh, please tell me this will get around to Carson eventually.
Chapter Seven
Reviewer: Samus (Signed)
06 May 2007 4:29 pm
Okay, am I supposed to be laughing as much as I am? I particularly love the first part between Shep and Carter, and O'Neill's reaction to the news of all this.
Chapter Four
Reviewer: B_C (Anonymous)
06 May 2007 12:12 am
Wow, that was hot. :)
Chapter 15
Reviewer: Laura_trekkie (Signed)
05 May 2007 7:33 pm
Lovely. I have to say I was expecting the same thing as Janet, but I have to say I loved the tenderness between John and Rodney better. It allowed them to finally connect with each other, before the rest of the team joined in to strengthen the bonds. What will ahppen next?

Laura.
Chapter 15
Reviewer: Laura_trekkie (Signed)
12 Apr 2007 12:05 pm
Yes, Rodney, go to him. This was quite a hot chapter, but I can see that it's going to get much hotter now that John and Rodney are in the same room and John's high on Alpha's blood. Let's hope it'll finally make their bond complete. Laura.
Chapter Fourteen
Reviewer: A Cat Called McKay (Signed)
12 Apr 2007 8:06 am
oh so glad you have added more to this. been thinking who could be the pack queen kind of hope it isnt wier shes a bit obvious now Miko would make a great pack queen :) so glad john and rodney are going to get together finaly. But were is radek hes part of the pack?
Chapter Fourteen
Reviewer: Manic (Signed)
12 Apr 2007 12:56 am
You're killing me here! I can't wait until the next update ;) Thanks for sharing.
Chapter Fourteen
Reviewer: B_C (Signed)
11 Apr 2007 10:26 pm
Getting hot and hopefully this will need to what they need to know. :)
Chapter Fourteen
Reviewer: wiccan10 (Anonymous)
26 Mar 2007 12:10 am
Hey , its been a while. Everything ok? Im still checking regularly for updates, eager to see what you will do next.

Author's Response: Chapter Fourteen has been written (working on chapter fifteen now) and is currently with my beta ... hopefully should be up in a couple of days ... thanks for your concern :)
Chapter Thirteen
Reviewer: LadyNiko (Signed)
05 Mar 2007 10:22 pm
heheheheheh.... John's sounding awfully nervous here..... :) Now, where's the next section of this story? :) 1.“Whether there are Packs there is a Queen.” i)Where, not Whether would be the word to use here and put in a comma after Packs. “Where there are Packs, there is a Queen.” 2.“There is much that we can learn form each other...” i)from, not form here. That's an easy one to do when your brain gets ahead of your fingers – heck knows I've done it too often myself! :)
Chapter Thirteen
Reviewer: LadyNiko (Signed)
05 Mar 2007 8:28 pm
Hehe.... Just as it's getting good for John & Rodney, duty, as usual, calls. :-p Good plot progression - I like how the Wraith are coming and that they need to go back to Linde. 1."Rodney whats wrong?" i)Contraction – whats needs an apostrophe to be what's 2."We have nowhere near enough power in the ZPM to hold the sheild against any sort of prolonged attack, and we're all out of drones," he answered. i)Spelling – sheild needs to be shield. Don't ask me to explain the rule and exceptions, because I can't remember what they are off the top of my head. ;) 3."And the Daedalus is still on Earth, thats nearly two months away," said Sam, and Rodney nodded his agreement. Contraction – thats needs an apostrophe here to be that's 4."Its a bit late for that don't you think?" Contraction – Its here needs to be It's 5."They're not just passing through the neighbourhood Elizabeth!" i)Spelling on neighborhood? I don't know if British spelling puts a U in it or not, but American English says no U in neighborhood. Also, names are set off by commas. So, comma after neighborhood 6."Good," answered John, nuzzling gently into Rodney's neck and licking lightly at the deep bite mark there." Thats a good boy." Just a couple of minor things here. First off, “...there.” Thats a good boy.” - Move the quote marks over so the quote marks are opening at “Thats...” and again, Thats needs an apostrophe since it's a contraction. 7."Its supposed to be a weapon against the Wraith right?" i)Same as above – Contraction, so Its needs an apostrophe to be It's 8."We have to go back to Linde!" he exclaimed, watching as Sam hurridly got to her feet. i)Spelling here: hurriedly instead of hurridly 9."Thats right," she said. i)Again, Thats needs an apostrophe since it's a contraction. So, “That's right,” she said.
Chapter Twelve
Reviewer: LadyNiko (Signed)
05 Mar 2007 8:18 pm
I liked how you dealt with the emotional fall out of the raid to rescue Janet & Rodney. Good handling of Sam here. :) 1.'Sam!" i)Double quotes here on both ends: “Sam!” 2."I should be arrested and court maritaled." i)Spelling here on maritaled – should be martialed I think there should be 2 l's here, but I can't find a correct spelling either way of it. Blargh. :-p
Chapter 11
Reviewer: LadyNiko (Signed)
05 Mar 2007 8:07 pm
Oh boy.... I think this was one of my fave chapter in terms of steaminess! But, I want to know - what about Weir? You have Teyla making the moves on her, but nothing happens to Weir! :-p Here's the list of tweakings for this chapter. 1.Thats when she looked back towards the door, a predatory gleam in her eyes. i)Verb tense contradiction here. You've got “Thats” for That is, but, it should be “That was when she looked back towards the door...” 2.and they grabbed each other roughly kissing thoroughly at each others blood covered lips. i)Possessive, others needs an apostrophe to be other's 3.what was the point of creating the strongest bond between two Packs and accepting another Packs Alpha into her body and caused his hair to stand up is sticky spikes. i)Possessive on the second Packs, it needs to be “Pack's Alpha into her body....” and then, replace is with in, to make it, “stand up in sticky spikes.” 4.Yet he wanted her Mate there, to make it something for Janet aswell i)aswell – two words here, so put a space in between as and well. 5.“Both Pack's will be there, that'll be enough." i)Pack's here is plural, not possessive, so no apostrophe – just Packs. 6."Alright?" she whispered, and he nodded. i)Alright – This is not an accepted spelling of all right, it's still considered a slang usage. For formal and edited writings, you want to use “all right” 7."Thats it," whispered Sam, moving one hand from Janet's hip to Sheppard's thigh and gently stroking him. i)Contraction – Thats should be That's 8.With a nod he lowered Sheppard's head to the floor and moved between the mans legs. i)Contraction – mans should be man's 9.before Sam released John into his lovers arms where he started crying in ernest i)Possessive – lovers should be lover's and ernest should be earnest
Chapter Ten
Reviewer: LadyNiko (Signed)
05 Mar 2007 7:56 pm
Again, there's only a small handful of items that need fixing here. These are all easy fixes that won't take any time at all. 1.Of course you do McKay," she said. "And thats not what I meant." i)Two things here – comma between do and McKay and then, you have a contraction that needs an apostrophe – thats. So, this should read, “Of course you do, McKay,” she said. “And that's not what I meant.” 2."I don't know whats wrong with the Colonel as of yet," he answered. i)Contraction here – whats should be what's 3.Sam raised an eyebrow, oh she knew Jack's 'cunning plans' and there success rate. i)Wrong form of there used here. This should be their success rate. There = location, They're = they are, their = belonging to them. 4."I'm sure you could use Zelenka's help, and theres nothing better than a guilt ridden Alpha whose Mate has been stolen." i)Contraction – theres should be there's
Chapter Nine
Reviewer: LadyNiko (Signed)
05 Mar 2007 7:52 pm
There are only a few things here that need to be tweaked. :) 1.There was a moments hesitation. i)Possessive, so you need an apostrophe on moments - “There was a moment's hesitation...” 2."I've heard that things have been pretty quiet at home compared to whats going on over there." i)Contraction – whats should be what's 3.She knew that Dr. McKay's shadow wouldn't be around, he was in the gym with Sheppard and Teyla, therefore the astrophycist would be alone. i)Spelling here – astrophycist, correct spelling is: astrophysicist
Chapter Eight
Reviewer: LadyNiko (Signed)
05 Mar 2007 7:47 pm
I'm that bad penny that you can't get rid of - seriously. :-p I know I'm a bit of a pain, but I just want to see this story really stand out and shine. :) 1.“We have been sent here from Earth Dr. Weir,” i)Names need to be set off by commas – another one of those silly grammar rules. So, “We have been sent her from Earth, Dr. Weir,” 2.“The President believes it to dangerous to have us in such a large population.” i)There are a couple things here that need some tweaking. You need an “assisting” verb in the first half of the sentence and make to, too. So, “The President believes it is too dangerous...” 3.“They’re not lepers son!” i)You should set off son with a comma 4.“Get started on that immunisation,” she said. i)Immunisation should be iummunization and, comma instead of period behind immunization. 5.“He has a certain amount of leeway” i)End of sentence, you need a period. So, “He has a certain amount of leeway.”
Chapter Six
Reviewer: LadyNiko (Signed)
05 Mar 2007 7:41 pm
Here's the list of fixes for this chapter. I really like Ronan playing watch dog over Rodney. Hehehe! :) 1.“I have to watch you ... its what I do.” i)Contraction – You need an apostrophe here for its. 2.“In the Pack, its my duty to watch over you when Alpha isn’t around.” i)Same as above, contraction – You need an apostrophe here for its. 3.“And since we don’t know how its being transmitted has decided to quarantine us on Atlantis.” i)Same as above, contraction – You need an apostrophe here for its. 4.“And so the SGC just loses it flagship team?” i)Okay, here change it to its. 5.“And what about Mitchell?” spoked up T’leac from where he was lurking in the corner. i)Teal'c is how you spell it. You don't want a ticked off Jaffa coming after you for slaughtering the spelling of his name! :)
Chapter Five
Reviewer: LadyNiko (Signed)
05 Mar 2007 7:21 pm
It's that bad penny again.... :-p Here's the list of tweakings for Chapter 4: 1.Summary: It took them approximately twenty four hours to realize that whatever the Atlantean’s had brought through the ‘gate with them was infectious i)Two things here. I can't remember the rule for this, but you need an apostrophe between twenty and four. Then, Atlantean's – this is plural here, no apostrophe is needed. The summary is also like the first sentence or two of the chapter, so you can kill two birds with one stone when you fix that. :) 2.It had all started with Colonel Carter had entered the infirmary, and upon seeing Sheppard began to growl. i)This is another one that's an easy fix. You can go a couple of different ways to fix this, but either way, it needs some corrections. :) Option one: “It had all started when Colonel Carter had entered the infirmary, and upon seeing Sheppard, she began to growl.” Option two: “It had all started with Colonel Carter's entrance in the infirmary, and upon seeing Sheppard, she began to growl.” 3.as Teyla took the blondes legs out from under her i)Possessive. You need an apostrophe here for blondes. 4.that he was supposed to mate with her when she was on heat, so as to continue the Pack legacy. i)“when she was on heat...” On heat? I always thought it was “in heat...” 5.he needed Rodney in a way that frankly terrifies him, and he pushes him further into the door frame. i)Okay, you suddenly change verb tenses here. You go from past tense to present tense not only in the same paragraph, but the same sentence. So, you need all your verbs to be in the past tense here. “...he needed Rodney in a way that frankly terrified him, and he pushed him further into the door frame.” 6."I want that Alpha bitch to watch, to understand its hands off." i)Contraction – You need an apostrophe here for its. 7.With a bit more force than is entirely necessary, i)Verb tense – is should be was 8.John quickly undid his BDU’s i)Plural, no apostrophe for BDUs here.
Chapter Four
Reviewer: LadyNiko (Signed)
05 Mar 2007 7:18 pm
Only a few things in here to fix. I have really enjoyed this story & think that I have it tagged in my faves now (brain dead sick, so my memory isn't all here... :p) 1.Janet was sat at her desk at the far end of the infirmary, staring at the computer monitor in front of her. i)Okay, this one needs some verb corrections - “Janet was sat” doesn't make much sense. There are a couple ways you can fix this here. You can go with “Janet sat at her desk...” or, “Janet was sitting at her desk....” 2.“Okay, lets give the boys a bit of privacy,” said Janet i)lets – lets here is a contraction for let us, so you need an apostrophe here. Let's is the version you want.
Chapter Three
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