Spoilers: A vague reference to season 2.
Notes: Written for the "Search and Seizure" Challenge.
When he came into the room, John Sheppard stopped dead.
Teyla had her arms up and Ronon's were circling her waist from behind, large hands splayed across her stomach. Both looked up at John when he'd entered the room and they were wearing identically mild expressions.
"I... ah... um," John said, completely at a loss as to what to say.
"Was there something you needed, Colonel?" Teyla asked, her voice polite as ever. Ronon shifted, his hands still on Teyla's stomach but suddenly looking more casual, as if getting comfortable while he waited patiently for John to leave.
"I was... I mean, I am... um." Again, words were failing him as John scratched the back of his head.
John knew he had a couple of choices. Since they were on the same team, he could scold them for acting inappropriately and then transfer one of them off. Not the ideal solution since John knew his team had hit on a dynamic that would be hard to replicate with another member. These were the alien members of his team so John wasn't even sure if fraternisation rules could apply. He was tossing up between about facing and forgetting he'd ever walked into the room and yelling at them about ruining the best team in the place and they were both looking so infuriatingly unfazed by his presence that John went for a reaction vaguely in the middle.
"You know you shouldn't really... ah... be doing that, right?" John said, gesturing vaguely at them.
"What, training?" Ronon asked, raising an eyebrow. John grimaced when he realised that neither of them was going to make things easy on him and he could swear Teyla looked positively amused. If they had even bothered to move apart when he'd entered then he could have pretended that he'd read too much into what was going on, but they didn't even oblige him that much. Teyla still stood, arms stretched delicately over her head and slightly curved around Ronon's neck. His hands were still in her damn stomach.
John crossed his arms over his chest and tried for his most authorative glare. "Don't be cute," he snapped.
"Really, Colonel. I'm not sure what you're talking about." John couldn't tell whether Teyla was deadpanning because it would drive him crazy, or if she really had no idea. He tapped his lip with a finger, wondering if either of them had even ever heard of fraternisation restrictions. For all John knew, getting close to one's team mates could have even been expected from where they came from. John passed a hand over his face again, wishing desperately that he wasn't the one to have to explain things.
"In Earth military, my military, it's a bad idea to...have relations with either someone in your command or in your unit. If it's in your command then it's actually against regulations and you get booted out. In your own team, it's mostly frowned upon but in some situations it's a dismissible offence as well."
Ronon was watching John in the careful way he had, whenever he was looking at something in Atlantis that either didn't make sense to him, or he thought was a silly idea. John had seen that exact same expression when he'd been watching a couple of the scientists playing chess. John looked back to Teyla and vaguely wondered how long she could keep her arms up without getting tired.
"We had the same kind of rule on Sateda," Ronon said, shrugging slightly without removing his hands from Teyla.
John let out an exasperated breath. "Then why?" He demanded, again flailing hands at them. Teyla turned her head slightly so she could see Ronon and then looked back at John.
"I'm sorry, Colonel, but you're really not making sense. Either you need us for something or you can leave us to continue."
"What?" John's mouth dropped open.
"You can stay if you like," Ronon offered, his voice as deadpan as Teyla's had been, but John was pretty sure even if Ronon was at the height of excitement, he would still have the same neutral tone.
"What?" John repeated, not really sure what else to say.
"You might learn something new," Teyla added and John blinked, colour flushing to the roots of his hair.
"Hey! I have enough knowledge in that department thankyou very much!"
Ronon's eyes finally flooded with realisation and he chuckled, dropping his hands away from Teyla. "What is it you think we're doing?" He asked. Teyla looked back at him again, her brow furrowed, but when she looked back at a red-faced John Sheppard, understanding dawned in her eyes as well.
"Oh... oh!" She squeaked, stepping away from Ronon and dropping her arms to her sides. "No, Colonel! Ronon was showing me how to conceal a blade where the closest of searches would not reveal it."
John raised his eyebrows as Teyla flushed a more brilliant red than he had. Ronon, remorseless, was still chuckling. Teyla then dug a hand down the front of her top, searched around for a second, and came up with a small, wicked looking knife. John blinked. "I'm not sure I want to know where that was." He said, his hands raised. "But I'm glad it's not... the other thing. I guess you can carry on then."
Ronon took the blade from Teyla and held it out to John, hilt out. He was still grinning. "Do you want me to show you where to put this?" He offered.
John scowled at him. "I can think of a few places."
As John left the room, he heard the first genuine laugh of Ronon's since they had found him.
Summary: "You know you shouldn't really... ah... be doing that, right?"