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Summary: episode tag for 3x10. It's about turtles, as told inadvertently by SG-1.

Categories: General
Characters: Carson Beckett, Elizabeth Weir, John Sheppard, Other, Rodney McKay
Genres: Episode Related, Humour
Warnings: None
Chapters: 1 [Table of Contents]
Series: None

Word count: 2891; Completed: Yes
Updated: 27 Sep 2006; Published: 27 Sep 2006

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8:35am, Colorado Springs, Dr. Beckett's apartment.


A car door slammed shut as a decidedly unhappy airman made his way towards the apartment complex. Taking a moment to locate the key he'd been given and double check the number, he headed to apartment five and unlocked the door. As the door swung opened he was greeted by a tiny, well kept, but unmistakenly unlived in apartment. Some mail had collected next to the door, the answering machine was flashing on the kitchen counter, and the air was just starting to smell as if someone hadn't opened a window in a day or two.

Airman Bryar felt like he'd gotten the short end of the stick when he'd been told to check Doctor Beckett's apartment for classified material. He figured the SGC owned the entire building anyway. Why did they need him to check the place out when the Doctor had only been gone two days?


He sighed as he began looking through the loose papers on the kitchen table. As he made his way towards the living room he thought he saw something move out of the corner of his eye. Pausing, he noticed a tank by the sofa.

"He has turtles?"



9:40am, Cheyenne Mountain complex, Dr. Daniel Jackson's office.


"Dr. Jackson?"

Daniel looked up from the Ancient text he'd been poring over to the nervous looking airman who seemed to be holding ...was that a fish tank? "Yes?"

"Sir," the airman said as he moved into the office and set the tank down on the other side of the table, "General Landry asked me to bring these to you."

Looking at the tank Daniel once again stared at the airman. "They're turtles."

"Yes, sir."

"Why are you giving me turtles?"

"Well--," started Bryar, but before he could get out that he was under orders, General Landry walked in and saved him the trouble.

"Because I asked him to," the general stated with a smile. "It seems Doctor Beckett had acquired some new pets before his impromptu return to Atlantis. It's a good thing airman Bryar had been sent to look over his apartment," he nodded at the airman, letting him know he was free to go, "or else these new pets probably wouldn't have faired so well."

"Well, that's quite lucky, sir," Daniel stared at him quizzically, "but why did you give them to me?"

Landry laughed and circled the table to the other fish tank in the corner. "You've managed to keep your aquatic friends here in good health despite your, shall we say varied, absences. I figure that if anyone can look after these turtles for awhile, it would be you."

"That's very kind of you sir..." Daniel trailed off.

"Don't mention it." With one last smirk, Landry walked out of his office.

Rubbing his eyes, Daniel turned to the turtles. "I guess we're stuck with each other for awhile. Don't suppose you guys have names?"



10:04am, Cheyenne Mountain complex, Dr. Jackson's office.


"What are these tiny reptile things?" Vala asked as she tapped on the glass of the tank.

"They're called turtles," Daniel answered without looking up.

Vala smiled as she lifted a turtle out of the tank. "I think they're quite cute. Do they have names?" she asked, picking up the second turtle as well.

"They're Dr. Beckett's, but he left in a bit of a hurry and apparently didn't seem to tell anyone what he was calling them." Daniel sat up at his work table and fixed his glasses. "I've been calling the darker one Thomas and the lighter one Henry."

"Thomas and Henry?"

"Thomas and Henry Vaughan. 17th century philosopher and poet, respectively."

Looking away from the tabletop where she was watching the turtles explore, Vala gave Daniel a disapproving look. "Those are boring names. I think they should be called...Castiana and Sahal!" She grinned.

Now Daniel was just staring at her. "Why?"

"Well," she said, sheepishly poking the shell of one of the turtles, "you spent so much time looking for them. Now you can say you found them!"

"Yes... but we did find them."

"I know, but these little guys are much cuter, and far more interesting then either of those planets."

Daniel took off his glasses and started rubbing his eyes again, never a good sign. "Get out." he pointed to the door without looking up. "Put the turtles back and go. I'm trying to work."

Vala rolled her eyes and said, "Whatever you say Mr. Cranky pants." Daniel sighed, but didn't look up. Instead of putting the turtles back, however, she took two stones from the tank and dropped them into the water before sneaking out of Daniel's office with Castiana and Sahal in hand.



10:45am, Cheyenne Mountain complex, storage room 372C


Things seemed almost normal in one of the lesser used areas of the SGC. Most of the surrounding rooms were storage and supplies. The occasional officer was known to wander by when they were looking for a quiet place to get some reading done, or a quick nap, but otherwise it was pretty empty. Except for today: soft echoes of shouting could be heard filtering down the hallway.

"Go, Casti! You can beat him! Come on!"

"No! Sahal, you're going to wrong way! Left, left!"

To say these were uncommon to be heard in the SGC, let alone a rather empty part of the base, was an understatement. Due to that--and some curiosity--Teal'c felt he should investigate. Resupplying the ammunition for the out-bound teams could wait a few minutes.

As Teal'c moved quietly down the hall towards the far end, the shouting increased in volume. He stopped next to the door to storage room 372C, where it appeared to be originating from. It was very clear something not all together Air Force regulation was taking place inside the room. He paused for a moment before opening the door.

"Ahahaha! Nice going, Casti!"

"Nooo! Sahal! What were you doing!? We just lost!"

At that point Teal'c opened the door to find two airmen and Vala crouched over a cleared section of the room, watching what looked like two green creatures moving slowly towards a piece of string laid across the floor about two feet away.

"What are you doing?" Teal'c asked, staring directly at Vala.

The three jumped at the intrusion. Vala was the first to recover. "Ah! Muscles, good to see you. Airmens Frank and Longtain here were just participating in a friendly game. See," she said, pulling Teal'c over to the side and nodding in the direction of the flustered airmen, "I've got a little race going here with Castiana and Sahal--"

Teal'c raised an eyebrow at the names. "Are those not the turtles DanielJackson has been asked to take care of?"

Vala waved her hand dismissively. "Yes, yes, but he gave them boring names and isn't paying them any attention. So I thought, why not take them out, show them the base? And if we happen to find a couple of--" she turned and winked at the airmen who were still too flustered to leave "--fine airmen that want to take part in a little game for some small coin, what's the harm?"

Teal'c continued to give her a blank stare as he put out his hand. "I will return the turtles to DanielJackson. I suggest none of you allow me to find you participating in this again," he said sternly, giving a measured look at the airmen, who nodded and quickly made their way out of the room.

Vala sighed and placed the turtles in Teal'c's palm. "Spoil sport. We could have had a nice racket going, you know. Oh well. Though... if you want to give them back to Daniel, he's probably in Colonel Carter's lab about this time," she said, starting to pick up Castiana, "I could always just go by with them--"

Smirking slightly, Teal'c clasped his free hand over the turtles. "That will not be necessary. I will check ColonelCarter's lab for DanielJackson and return the turtles." With that, Teal'c left a disappointed Vala in storage room 372C and headed to Sam's lab.



10:57am, Cheyenne Mountain complex, Colonel Carter's lab.


Teal'c rounded the last corner to Sam's lab just as a strong light flashed and went out. "ColonelCarter, is everything all right?" he asked as he entered the room.

"What?" Sam asked as she appeared from behind a naquedah generator, taking off her welding goggles as she stood. "Oh, hi, Teal'c. Yeah, I'm fine, just some minor adjustments to the mark three. I think we're almost ready to test it out," she said with a grin.

Teal'c gave he a slight smile in return. "That is good news." He held out his palm, revealing the rather uninterested turtles. "Have you seen DanielJackson? Vala had mistakenly borrowed them from him earlier and I wish to return them."

"Oh, how cute." Sam picked up the darker turtle. "I didn't know Daniel got some turtles. What're they called?" she asked.

"It is my understanding that DanielJackson has been asked to take care of Dr. Beckett's pets until he is able to return for them." Teal'c's lips twitched into a quick smirk. "Vala had taken to calling them Castiana and Sahal, but I would suggest Jan'ket and Lan'mar."

Sam cocked her head to one side as she petted the turtle. "Jan'ket and Lan'mar?"

"Legendary Sodan warriors. Believed to have helped defend against the initial backlash from the Goa'uld," Teal'c said, raising his head proudly.

Picking up the other turtle, Sam nodded. "Well, you'll have to ask Daniel. Dr. Beckett might have already named them." Teal'c nodded. "Daniel hasn't come by yet, but he's due any time now for his usual translation break. I'll hold onto Jan'ket and Lan'mar here for ya."

"Thank you, ColonelCarter. I have some things to attend to. I will see you during lunch." Teal'c bowed slightly and left the lab.

Sam held the turtles up to face her and frowned slightly. "You guys don't quite look the Jaffa leading type. Leonardo and Donatello sound more your speed." She laughed and set them down on the table, away from the generator, and went back to calibrating.



11:23am, Cheyenne Mountain complex, Colonel Carter's lab.


"Hm."

Sam frowned at the readouts she was getting from the generators. Something in her calculations had to be off. As she moved to check her notes, she felt her fingers resting on something harder and rougher then her keyboard for the third time that afternoon. She looked down at the two turtles making their way across her laptop.

"Look, guys," she said as she moved them to the far end of the table again, "you really can't be crawling all around here. I know you want to explore, but you could get hurt."

"Talking to yourself again, Sam?" Mitchell asked as he strided into the lab.

Sam looked up, "Oh, hi, Cam. No, I'm just talking to Leo and Don here." She motioned towards the turtles now exploring the papers on the table.

Putting his elbows on the table, Mitchell stared at the turtles. "Leo and Don?" he asked.

Sam shrugged. "My niece was huge into Ninja Turtles when she was younger. Those were her favourites."

Mitchell glanced at Sam, then back at the turtles. "Now, if I had my own turtles, those would not be my first choices for names. You gotta choose something unique. Something cool."

"Oh yeah?" she asked, putting a hand on her hip. "What would you name them?"

"Godzilla and Gamera," Mitchell answered without hesitation.

"Godzilla and Gamera? For tiny little turtles like that?"

"Why not?" He stood up and picked up the turtles. "With the right chemicals these guys could do some serious damage."

Sam rolled her eyes. "Yeah, like we need any more problems around here."

Mitchell continued to play with the turtles.

"Cam, would you mind returning them to Daniel? They're Dr. Beckett's, but he's looking after them for now. Teal'c found Vala with them and brought them to me, but Daniel hasn't come by like normal, and I'm having a hell of a time with the mark three."

"Sure, no problem, Sam. I'm on my way to lunch, but I can drop them off after." Mitchell started walking backwards towards the door, moving his fingers to make Godzilla and Gamera wave 'goodbye' with their flippers. Just before he's out the door he stoppped and said, "Hey, Sam?"

"Yeah?"

"What'd Teal'c want to name them?"

"Jan'ket and Lan'mar."

"Legendary Sodan warriors?"

She grinned and pointed at him. "You got it."

Mitchell rolled his eyes and grinned back. "You wouldn't believe how many shrines they have to them. Anyway, I'll see you later." The turtles waved one more time and Mitchell was on his way to the mess for what he hoped was roast beef, and some well deserved lettuce for his little monsters.



12:00pm, Cheyenne Mountain complex, mess.


Daniel entered the mess to the sweet smell of coffee, but the first thing that caught his eye was Mitchell sitting at a table off to the side with a female officer and what looked like two turtles on a plate with some lettuce.

"Aww, they're so cute," he could hear her say.

Mitchell smiled and stroked the lighter turtles shell. "You say that now, but when Gamera here is four stories tall he won't be so cute."

The woman giggled. "Very funny, Cam. They're red-eared sliders. I'd be surprised if they get over six inches."

Daniel stood over their table and cleared his throat. "Hi," he said when they looked up. "Why do you have my turtles?"

"Hiya, Jackson. I was just looking for you," Mitchell replied with a grin as the woman excused herself.

"By sitting in the mess?" Daniel said, folding his arms across his chest. "Why do you have Henry and Thomas?"

Mitchell blinked. "Henry and Thomas? Oh! You mean Godzilla and Gamera here. Or I guess Leonardo and Donatello if you're talking to Sam, or Jan'ket and Lan'mar if you're talking to Teal'c. Hey, what did Vala want to call them?"

Daniel paused for a second, then sat down. "She wanted to call them Castiana and Sahal, actually."

Mitchell gave him a quizzical look.

"Yeah, I know. Her reasoning was they were more interesting and easier to find then the actual planets," Daniel said as he played with the darker turtle.

Mitchell shrugged. "As good a reason as any. Hey, if these are Dr. Beckett's turtles, do you know what he named them?"

It was Daniel's turn to shrug. "I have no idea."



4:12pm, Atlantis, infirmary.


"Carson?" Weir asked over the radio.

"Yes, Elizabeth?" Beckett radioed back.

"Could you come to my office? There's something I'd like you to see."

Beckett frowned, as he couldn't think of anything that Weir would need him for. "I'll be there in a moment."



4:19pm, Atlantis, Weir's office.


The first thing Beckett noticed was that Sheppard and McKay were also in Weir's office, the second was that they were crowding around her main computer console, and the last was they were all smiling.

"You wanted to see me, Elizabeth?" Beckett asked nervously.

"Ah yes, Carson." Weir smiled.

"You've got a personal message from earth," Sheppard said with a smirk.

"I... do?" Beckett asked, slightly confused. Who could be sending him a personal message from earth?

At this point McKay couldn't keep silent any longer. "Yes, you do. And we're all dreadfully curious, so could you just open it?" he asked, motioning towards the computer.

They all shifted around the desk as Beckett opened the video file. It was from General Landry.

"Hello Dr. Beckett. I thought you'd like to know that Picard and Q are being well looked after by Dr. Jackson ... and the rest of SG-1. They'll be here when you think you can take care of them again. Landry out."

The screen went blank and the others turned to stare at Beckett. Weir looked amused, while McKay and Sheppard both looked some level of shocked and surprised.

Unsurprisingly, McKay was the first to recover. "You named them Q and Picard?" he asked incredulously.

Beckett got up and walked to the door without answering, but just before he left he smirked and replied, "Well we already have our own Kirk."

As he headed towards the infirmary, he heard Weir trying to stifle a giggle and Sheppard let out an indignant "Hey!" as it sunk in. It was nice to know his turtles were okay.